Why God Made Strawberries
by Andrew Greeley
Once upon a time, long, long, ago, there was Earth Maker and First Man and First Woman. They lived in a whitewashed stone cottage on the edge of a green field with a silver lake and a road leaving over the hills and out beyond. First Man and First Woman were very much in love and very happy together. Earth Maker was pleased with himself because it appeared that his experiment of creating male and female had been a huge success. Oh, they argued a few times a week, but never anything serious. Then one day, they had a terrible fight. They forgot what they were fighting about and fought about who had started it and then about what the fight was about.
Finally First Woman was fed up. You’re nothing but a loudmouth braggart! she said and stormed out of the cottage and across the green field and by the silver lake and over the hill and out beyond.
First Man sat back in his rocking chair, lit his pipe, and sighed happily. Well, at last we’ll have some peace and quiet around here. The woman has a terrible mouth on her.
But as the sun set and turned the silver lake rose gold, he realized he was hungry. Woman, he shouted, I want my tea. But there was no woman to make the tea. Poor First Man could not even boil water. So he had to be content with half of a cold pratie (which is what the Irish call a potato). Then as a chill came over the cottage and First Man felt lonely altogether, he sighed again, let his pipe go out, and felt he needed a good night’s sleep. He didn’t light the fire because, truth to tell, he wasn’t very good at such things. First Woman did all the fire-lighting in their house because she could start fires in a second.
The poor fella shivered something awful when he pulled the covers over himself. Well, he told himself, she did keep the bed warm at night. He didn’t sleep very well and when he woke there was a terrible hunger on him. Woman, he shouted, I want me tea! Then he realized that there was no woman and no tea. So he had to be satisfied with the other half of the cold pratie.
Well, he was sitting in front of the cold fireplace, puffing on a cold pipe, wrapped in a thin blanket, when Earth Maker appeared.
Let me see now, said Earth Maker. This is earth and I made ye male and female. And you’re the male. Where’s herself?
She’s gone, Your Reverence.
Gone?
Gone!
Why’s she gone?
We had a fight!
You never did!
We did!
And she left you?
She did, Your Reverence.
You’re a pair of eejits!
Yes, Your Reverence.
Do you still love her?
Oh yes, Your Reverence, something terrible!
Well then, man, off your rocking chair and after her!
She’s long gone, Your Reverence. I’ll never catch up with her.
No problem. I can move as fast as thought. I’ll go ahead of you and slow her down! Now get a move on!
Poor First Man, his heart breaking trundled out of his chair and down the path across the green field and by the silver lake and out beyond.
Meanwhile Earth Maker caught up with First Woman. She was still furious at First Man. She walked down the road at top speed, muttering to herself as she went.
The woman has a temper, Earth Maker reflected. But that fella would make anyone lose their temper.
So to slow her down, said “ZAP!” and created a forest. Didn’t she cut through it like a warm knife cutting through butter?
Then Earth Maker created a big lake. That’ll stop her, he said to himself.
It didn’t stop her at all, at all. She charged into the lake and swam across it, Australian Crawl.
I don’t know where she learned it because Australia didn’t exist way back then. But she knew it.
Och, said Earth Maker, there are problems in creating women athletes, aren’t there now? Well, the poor thing is hungry, so she’ll slow down to eat. ZAP. There appeared along the road all kinds of fruit trees—peach trees, plum trees, grapefruit trees, apricot trees (no apple trees because that’s another story).
What did First Woman do? Well she just picked the fruit as she was walking and didn’t slow down a bit.
Sure, said Earth Maker, won’t I have to fall back on me ultimate weapon. I’ll have to create strawberries!
ZAP!
First Woman stopped cold. Ah, would you look at them pretty bushes with the white flowers.
As she watched, didn’t the flowers turn into rich red fruit?
Ah now, isn’t that gorgeous fruit and itself shaped just like the human heart?
She felt the first strawberry. Sure, doesn’t it feel just like the human heart, soft and yet strong and firm. I wonder what it tastes like. Sure, doesn’t it have the sweetest taste in all the world, save for the taste of human love?
Well, she sighed loudly, speaking of that subject, I suppose the eejit is chasing after me, poor dear man. I’d better wait for him.
So didn’t she pick a whole apron full of strawberries and sit by the strawberry bush and wait for First Man.
And finally, he came down the road, huffing and puffing and all worn out.
This is called the strawberry bush, she said, pointing at the bush. And doesn’t the fruit taste wonderful? So she gave a piece of fruit to First man, like the priest gives the Eucharist.
Oh, says First Man, isn’t it the sweetest taste in all the world, save for the taste of human love. So they picked more strawberries and, arm in arm, walked home to their whitewashed cottage by the green filed and the silver lake and the hill and out beyond. ‘Tis said that they lived happily ever after, which meant only three or so fights a week.
Now, I want all of you to remember every time from now on when you taste strawberries, that the only thing sweeter is the taste of human love. And remember too that love is about catching up and waiting and true lovers know how to catch up and wait.
Labels: holidays
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